Things You Only Understand if You Go on Russian Vacations

A Russian vacation is not a vacation to Russia. It’s a group of 50-500 Russian Americans who travel together to a resort in a tropical location, most likely Mexico or the Dominican Republic.
Going to the airport in full glam is expected. As you walk into the airport at 4 am, you are dressed head to toe Lululemon (or your preferred designer sweats) with full make up and a blow out. Your American friends wonder why you would go through all this trouble for a flight… They can’t possibly understand that you have to look your best because you are about to see everyone and their mother, and if you look bad, you will be the talk of the entire Russian community.
You confuse the people around you. The man behind you in line for security may ask how you know everybody else. Non-Russian speaking passengers on your plane may ask the flight attendant if your plane is actually headed to Moscow…
Prepare to be social at 4 am. There’s no way you’re going to get through check in at the airport without saying hi to everyone who looks remotely familiar.
Food gets shared through out the plane. Russians always travel with snacks, so you are sure to have people offering you all kinds of fruit, salami (колбаска), or little sandwiches (бутербродики).
Upgrades are expected. When you arrive at the resort that all of you will be infiltrating for the next week, there is an enormous line at reception. Everyone changes hotel rooms because they can always find something to complain about.
Лежаки do not come easy for late sleepers. Lounge Chairs (Лежаки) are all reserved by 7 am. Nobody wakes up that early, except for the one person in each friend group who can’t sleep and is given the job of reserving a chair for everyone.
Prepare to hear Russian music everywhere. Russian music can be heard throughout the resort. Italian music is also quite popular (even though the Russians can’t understand more than three words in the entire language).
Meal time is very complicated. Each friend group eats lunch and dinner together every day. Everyone expects to sit together at one long table.
Everyday is a fashion show. Whether they are showing off their new bikinis and swim trunks on the beach (Vilebrequin is seen on everyone) or dressing in the newest designer threads at night, everyone looks their best 24/7…
Going out to a club is not a simple process. Organizing twenty people to all agree on the same club is not an easy task. On top of that, Russian teens won’t just go to a club and drink from an open bar. Bottle service is expected, several nights in a row… something their American friends can’t even begin to comprehend.
Tequila, tequila, tequila. When booking the Russian vacation, the first question a client asks their travel agent is whether or not premium drinks are included at the hotel? And it is definitely not surprising to you if the hotel runs out of Don Julio… we do not settle for anything less than the best.
You know that this is a crazy way to vacation… sometimes you even feel like you may need a vacation from this vacation. But you wouldn’t want to have travel any other way, because traveling with 500 of your closest friends is just what Russians do.